Genealogy, photography, digital video, gambling, 2009
Four additional competitors have been entered into the Distant Relatives With Beards Contest, bringing the total number of participants to eight. The entry period is now closed.
Morit G poured through her family archives in a desperate attempt to find a photo of her great-grandfather, Rabbi Samuel Arje from Rovno, Ukraine. According to Morit, Rabbi Arje had the longest, whitest beard that she has ever seen. She never found a photo, but she came close when her research led her to this photo from her great-grandfather's beard-friendly hometown:
With no photo of her grandfather, she was about to give up when, miraculously, the contest was expanded to include distant relatives. With the new liberal rules, she was able to enter the distant cousin of her great-grandmother, Minna Freud (Rabbi Arje's wife) -- that cousin was Sigmund Freud.
Kevin R called upon his aunt to send him a photograph of his great-great grandfather, James Higgins. Higgins was born in Ireland in 1837 and later immigrated to Wisconsin. He married his wife Maria when she was 14. They bore eighteen children. James had a solid, midwestern-style, jumbo goatee:
Anna U entered her great-great grandfather, Jasper Bridge. Jasper lived in Salem, Oregon at the turn of the century. He sported a full-on frontier beard. It's also worth noting that Jasper is smiling, something you don't see very often in posed photos from the olden days. [Full disclosure: Jasper is also my great-great grandfather. He is not related to Captain Tichenor. I'll be following up with Pat U to obtain additional information.]
And finally, my one-year-old second cousin, Winslow C, entered his father Ben C. This pushes the boundries of the contest rules. Technically, as Winslow's father, Ben is a relative, but not a distant relative. I decided to bend the rules and allow Ben to compete after I used Photoshop to age his photo and make him look like a young great-great grandfather.
As always, I conducted a computer-guided visual analysis to determine whether a genetic relationship exists between the ancient beards and the ancient beards' ancestors. As you can see, each of the four new competitors pass the test with flying colors:
If this morphing technique looks familiar, it's because I blatantly plagiarized the Michael Jackson video for Black and White.
Now that the final eight have been selected, a special acknowledgment is needed for Carl W and Betsy G who both made valiant efforts to find photos of beards in their past but came up empty handed.
The Rules
- Each head-to-head contest will be decided by popular vote
- One vote per person per contest (honor system)
- Votes will be cast by leaving a note in the comments
- Each round will accept votes for three days. There will be three rounds of voting over the next nine days (First Round, Semi-Finals, Finals)
- Debating is encouraged
- You are allowed to vote for your own guy
- The first round of voting will include four contests. Voting for the first round will end on Sunday night, April 5th
- Besides the money you can make by gambling with your friends, there will be a secret prize for the winner!
The Judging Criteria
- 10% - Length of Beard - How long did that take to grow?
- 10% - Thickness of Beard - Can you get your fingers through that thing?
- 10% - Style - What unique fashions are incorporated? Mustache, goatee, neckbeard, etc
- 10% - Age - How old is that guy?
- 10% - Competitor Back-story - How does the beard fit in with the guy's narrative?
- 50% - Vibes - As in, "I get a good vibe off that beard" or "That beard gives me the spooks"
The Bracket
Without further ado, here is the official 2009 bracket as well as some notes on the head-to-head matchups
#1 J. Ludwig Riedesel vs #8 Benjamin J. Coleman
By all accounts, this should be a complete blow-out. Ludwig is the oldest competitor and he has the longest beard. Ben is still alive and he just started growing his beard two months ago. Does Ben have a shot in hell? Who knows, stranger things have happened.
#2 Captain William Tichenor vs #7 Cole Younger
I predict that Tichenor versus Younger is going to be surprisingly tight. Tichenor used to sail ships around the tip of South America; Younger used to roam the plains and rob banks. These are tough dudes.
#3 Pesach Wolf Cotlarsky vs #6 Jasper Bridge
The steely-eyed "Wolfman" wears his dark hat into battle against jovial old Jasper sitting out on the back porch. We have a white, well-manicured beard squaring off against the scraggliest beard in the contest. This is a true toss-up!
#4 Sigmund Freud vs #5 James Higgins
THERE ARE FOUR CONTESTS - PLEASE VOTE ON EACH ONE IN THE COMMENTS SECTION - ALL VOTES MUST BE CAST FOR THE FIRST ROUND BY SUNDAY, APRIL 5th
Update: This tournament is almost like illegal pit-bull fighting. I hope I don't fall prey to some type of curse for monkeying around with the memories of these men. This is all in good fun. If any of these great-grandparents are paying attention, I'm sure what they're seeing us do is far more entertaining than looking down from a cloud and watching someone put together a family tree at a library.
Update Saturday, 3:45 pm PST: We've had heavy voter turnout over the last two days. Thanks for all the participation. The voting for this round will end at 12 pm PST, tomorrow night. Right now Riediesel and Tichenor are fending off the competition with ease, while Bridge and Higgins are heading towards upset victories!
USA! USA! USA!
#1 v #8
J. Ludwig Riediesel - I was very close to going with my cousin Ben, but I chickened out.
#2 v #7
Captain Tichenor - The Tich!
#3 v #6
Jasper Bridge - I'm glad Jasper won't meet Tichenor until the finals. Those are my guys!
#4 v #5
James Higgins - I can't let Freud coast on his name and bloated ego. This is a beard contest.
Posted by: John U | April 03, 2009 at 01:43 AM
#1 v #8
J. Ludwig Riediesel
#2 v #7
Cole Younger
#3 v #6
Jasper Bridge
#4 v #5
James Higgins
Posted by: Nick L. | April 03, 2009 at 11:49 AM
#1 v #8
Benjamin J. Coleman because i like cheating with photoshop - you could say i do it for a living.
#2 v #7
Captain William Tichenor because he's not trying to beef up his beard with any other areas. He doesn't even have sideburns.
#3 v #6
Pesach Wolf Cotlarsky because it's well-groomed. Great beards come with great responsibility
#4 v #5
James Higgins because that Freud guy is trying to showcase the fancy mustache part of his beard a little too much for my taste.
Posted by: Eric U | April 03, 2009 at 12:07 PM
1 over 8
2 over 7
6 over 3
5 over 4
I forgot to "verify" my earlier, wittier, elabote-er post.
Posted by: Carl W | April 03, 2009 at 02:21 PM
#1 v #8
J. Ludwig Riediesel
You can tell he takes great pride in his grooming.
#2 v #7
Captain Tichenor
I think the eyebrows give him an edge. It's probably my fave facial hair in the competition.
#3 v #6
Cotlarsky
I like Jasper's beard, but I've gotta give it up for the Jews. After all, we pioneered facial hair!
#4 v #5
Freud
I may not agree with his theories, but that is one fine moustache.
Posted by: Lila K | April 03, 2009 at 02:22 PM
J. Ludwig Riediesel - Authenticity, people. Ludwig has seen some crazy shit in his time, you can see it all over his beard.
Captain William Tichenor - The other guy's beard is a little...emasculating? Plus, I like the idea of Billy's beard bobbing up and down as his jaw moves while speaking.
Jasper Bridge - You can't see it in the photo, but clearly he has a twinkle in his eye. This makes up for the drably colored (but otherwise impressive) beard on this fella. Happy grandpa vibe.
Sigmund Freud - I can't help it. I like the "vibe" of a fastidiously kept beard. It shows a man is careful and exacting, which usually results in superior personal hygiene and a sharp wit. And occasionally a legacy of psychological research.
Posted by: Laura | April 03, 2009 at 02:23 PM
Ludwig - This a strong #1.
Tichenor - He looked directly above people's eyes when he talked to them.
Jasper Bridge - little do we know, a native bird of Oregon is talking to him slightly off camera
Higgins - A little more back story about J Higgs. This original "Dugger" patriarch married the daughter of his neighbor, Maria Forkin, at age 14. She tried to run away several times so she could be with her siblings and dolls she loved only to be returned by her father. Maria Forkin Higgins had her first child at 14 and last child at 47. Higgins legacy is truly one shining moment in our family history.
Posted by: kevin r | April 03, 2009 at 02:43 PM
This is intense!
No big surprises yet. Jasper is making a good showing. Freud is hanging tough. Some of these votes are completely insane.
I got rid of the annoying security question -- I don't want to disenfranchise people for poor computer usage.
Posted by: John U | April 03, 2009 at 02:46 PM
Higgins was nuts. Having an 18th child at age 47 in the 1800s is like a Kamikaze mission.
Posted by: John U | April 03, 2009 at 02:52 PM
My relatives are quite upset that I did not participate in this competition. Maybe next year!
1v8 = Hands down #1 Ludwig
2v7 - #2 Tichenor - it is a cool name, he was a capitan, beard seems to have required lots of work and I am geting sweet vibes!
3v6 - #3 Pesach - clearly a well-kept beard where as Jasper is just all over the place. Have some pride in your beard.
4v5 - #5 Higgens - Higgens gets my vote not so much for his beard but for his eyes. His eyes are staring directly into my soul. This guy is a legit legend!
Posted by: Ryan | April 03, 2009 at 03:47 PM
What a group of good looking men!
#1 vs #8: Ludwig! That there is an honest looking man.
#2 vs #7: Tichenor! That beard goes on for miles.
#3 vs #6: Jasper! What kind eyes!
#4 vs #5: Higgens! He just looks really annoyed; a quality I personally bring out in men.
Posted by: julia | April 03, 2009 at 05:04 PM
#1: J. Ludwig
#2: Captain William
#3: Pesach Wolf
#4: James
Posted by: Ellen | April 03, 2009 at 06:28 PM
#1: Sorry, Ben. As much as I am impressed and envious as hell of your (sole living) beard, I have to tip my cap to Herr Ludwig. His beard is truly "diesel" (couldn't resist). It has not just size, but layered depth and dignity.
#2 Aye, aye, Captain, your beard gets my vote. It reminds me of an upside-down spruce tree. It is well formed and tidy. Must have been the damp sea air that gave it so much body.
#3 This call was much tougher to make. But my vote goes to Pesach (what a great name!) for his beard's neat, purse-like shape. "He's a very clean old man!"
#4 you may accuse me of bias, but I honestly think Freud edges out Higgins for the overall shape and contour of his beard. True, his Rollie Fingers-esque stache might be playing tricks on my subconscious, swaying my mind in his favor. But Freud's beard has more of that spruce thing going on, and I can't get enough.
Posted by: Kevin G | April 04, 2009 at 01:00 AM
l. Captain Ben has to get my vote. After all he only is able to grow that beard because of me. And after only 2 months. What a guy!
2. Capt. Tichenor not only for the great beard but because I never could resist a sea-faring man.
3. It's got to be Jasper Bridge, for the gentle eyes, but also the beard reminds me of shredded wheat, and I love shredded wheat.
4. In contrast to my vote in #4, Freud's tidy black beard reminds me of a dark haired- bearded man I used to live with and remember fondly, so I have to go with Siggy.
Posted by: Chris C | April 04, 2009 at 02:48 PM
Amazing turnout!
Right now the only close contest is between Pesach and Jasper. They're separated by a mere 3 votes.
20 hours left, anything can happen.
Posted by: John U | April 04, 2009 at 04:08 PM
1. This is a tough call, and as much as I would like to encourage all the young men who can to follow Ben's example, I am won over by Ludwig: his piercing gaze, the wave of his locks, but especially the full, long beard with its twisting contours. Ludwig gets my vote.
2. If this were a contest of who has the toughest beard to match his tough character, well then, Younger would surely win this one, but there's just something about Tichenor's flapping beard, unanchored by a mustache, like a flag on a mast. Big-eared, sharp-nosed Tichenor gets my vote.
3. Both these men have won my heart. Such wonderfully different beards and expressions. I think I'll let the season decide this one for me. Pesach is for Pesach. (And you know he would never let the matzah crumbs make a mess of his finely groomed facial fibers.)
4. First let me express my utmost respect for Higgins' strong square specimen. My vote is for Cousin Freud, however, not because of nepotism, mind you, but because, whenever I look at my therapists' beard, I know Cousin Siggy had something to do with it. That is pro-beard influence on a historical scale. http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2399206855 (Although Cousin Scholomo got it wrong on at least one occasion: it's not penis envy, oh no, it's definitely beard envy!)
Posted by: NohWoman | April 04, 2009 at 06:22 PM
A Curious Sequence of Events:
So, this is not a vote, but the story of a little adventure that began as a result of this contest and I want to share it with you all. As I was searching online for the genealogical ties that bind me to Siggy F. I found the posting below on a JewishGen.com (you'd have to sign in to see it, so I'm pasting it here instead). I have to say, it was the most bizarre experience reading about my own family from a total stranger. I contacted the poster, and she is the niece of my grandfather's cousin, Harry. He's 96 and still alive. Who knew? And all because of a beard contest (I wonder if Harry has a beard)...
Date: Tue, 11 Jan 2005 02:02:39 -0500
From: Renee Steinig
Subject: Rabbi Samuel ARJE of Prague
I am researching the descendants of Zvi Hersch ARIE and Chane ROSENBERG, whose five known children were probably born in or near Zaleszczyki, Austria (now Zaleshchiki, Ukraine) in the 1860s-1880s.
By 1930, one of the children, Samuel ARJE, lived in Prague, where he was the rabbi of the Smichov Synagogue. Samuel and his three sons were able to escape to England but he reportedly returned to Prague to serve the Jewish community right after the war. Later he went to Palestine/Israel and was a professor of Egyptology. At one time he served as a British Chaplain in Palestine.
One of his sons returned to Prague after the war and lived there until the Soviet invasion in 1968. Another son settled in Israel and one remained in England, where he at one time worked for the BBC.
Does anyone recognize this family?
Thanks.
Renee
Renee Steinig
Dix Hills (Long Island), New York, USA
Posted by: NohWoman | April 04, 2009 at 06:35 PM
This blog is changing lives.
Posted by: Carl W | April 05, 2009 at 10:51 PM
#1 Riediesel - an old soul, clearly. Ben's soul is just too young
#2 Tichenor - hands down
#3 Jasper Bridge with the kind smile
#4 Higgins, because Freud gets way too much attention as it is.
Posted by: Pat U. | April 06, 2009 at 11:49 AM
Pat U. is my mom! But rules are rules, and she voted late, so her votes are being discarded. This feels terrible, but I have no choice.
The polls are closed and the votes are being counted and re-counted. Look for a post about the Final Four later this evening.
Posted by: John U | April 06, 2009 at 12:32 PM
I think John and Seth should start growing their own beards and be done with this ersatz contest of manhood. C'mon, boys! I'm pretty sure Seth already has a beard, but it could definitely be hoarier. John, you gotta convince your wife to let you get your Marty Stouffer, "Wild America" beard going again. (Speaking of Marty Stouffer, do you all remember when he adopted a Grizzly cub and nursed it through the winter? I loved that episode.)
This is a very political vote between two friends' ancestors. I don't think I can do it. I'm sorry.
Posted by: Kevin G | April 13, 2009 at 08:24 PM
Johnny Ghost
I'm sorry but I vote for Ludwig. No hard feelings ok?
XOXO,
J
Posted by: the grad student | April 14, 2009 at 07:58 AM